Where Dreams and Memories Merge..

Because of all the revision my body clock is in a mess
My eating times are messed up too..
And so are my sleeping patterns..
The past few days I wake up every morning
Lingering between the dreamworld and semi-consciousness..
I dream and remember at the same time..

Its hard to discern whether a dream was a real memory
The past few days I keep seeing my mum in those 'dreams'
And for a few moments I am tricked
Into believing she's alive again..
And that I can talk to her and that she can answer me..
And tell me everything's gonna be okay..

We hold conversations and its like nothing ever happened..

And then I remember something real..
Like how we went on holidays when I was a kid..
Or how I fell down when I was young and received a scolding..
And the dream about her dissolves..
It usually takes me awhile to separate the dream from the memory..
And I lie there with an exhausted mind
By which time the memories of SGH and everything else
Painfully flood back..

And before it gets too unbearable
I push myself to sit up and pull the curtains back..
Blue sky and sunshine and a radiant world flood into my room

It's another day :)
I have to get up and face it or I never will..
I have everything to live for
And it's the way she would have wanted it..

So I blog whilst I do my laundry
And get myself a cup of hot vegemite :)
And settle down for more revision..

- 23 October 2004 1:57pm -